I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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