you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
