we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
