Soap is not a condiment
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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