I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
