so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
