i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
