oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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