I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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