I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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