I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
