Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and she was petting her beer can
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
