just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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