Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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