My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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