WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
