9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
