Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
