ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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