You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
