I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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