I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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