I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
