dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
