my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
