Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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