The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I will die if light touches me.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
