Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
