Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
