she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
