I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
