I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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