I'm jealous of your bromance
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
