I swear she didn't look like that last week.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
