i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
