Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
