i will never coherently bang her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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