I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
