I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
