I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
