oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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