So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
