last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
where are my pants?
in the oven.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
