I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
