brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
