remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My dick has a subreddit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
