The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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