that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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