She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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