dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize