While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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