I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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