Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
