The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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