I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
