dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
