So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
