Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize