Got a toothbrush?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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