a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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