Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
