i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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