goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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