my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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