If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
