Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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