Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
