i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
