I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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