You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
