Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
