Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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