Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
